I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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