it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
