I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
