I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
