remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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