don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
