apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
