Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
