She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
you inspire me to be a worse person
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
