My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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