Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
