Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
