literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
