1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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