I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
