Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
