Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
