You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
