ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
