I wish I only lived at night.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
