Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
