Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
