I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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