you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
She announced her abortion via fbk
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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