I wannas sexs uuuuu
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
