scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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