I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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