I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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