Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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