i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
