I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
