It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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