we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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