I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
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