It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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