just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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