is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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