There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
