we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
