Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
