I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
