my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
my poor anus
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
