pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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