Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
