i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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