there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
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