It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So vagazzling was a success
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
