I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
