The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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