first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
