So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
